Toothpicks for an Excavation

 My non-identifying information was quite limited. I wasn't given any medical history. That remained buried.  I was given court information about termination of parental rights. All forms had my name and my birth parents' names redacted. I also received a general physical description on my birth mother, and an even more limited physical description on my birth father. Tall. slim, and Black(African American). That's it. Yep, that about narrows it down. I combed through my entire packet. I hung onto every word trying to suck it dry of some form of a clue. It was exhausting. I cried. I wailed. I'd hit a wall, or so it seemed. What I was quick to learn from my dear friend Lorena, is that EVERYTHING mattered. I would become the detective that I never knew that I was. Some days it [the search] was invigorating. I felt accomplished. It seemed like I could take on anything. Other days, it left me drained and despondent.

  After I settled from the shock, I was extremely excited that my 'legal father" had been located.  I wanted to know what he remembered. Was he willing to cooperate with the intermediary? Was this a painful memory for him? Did he hate my birth mother? Was he sure that I was not his daughter? I had questions rolling out in wheel barrels! I contacted Dee by phone and by email. I always used every channel of communication that I could with her. I tried to be reasonable and thoughtful about her workload, and I tried to space out my inquiries as to give her time in working with others and receiving information about my case. On April 3rd, Dee informed me that she spoke with my "legal father". I was filled with the type of excitement that made me want to wet my pants...

 First off, he'd remarried. I was told that his wife listened in on this particular phone call. She was described as being quite vocal and full of inquiries. Dee said that my "legal father" said that he did not remember much from all those years ago. Let me interject right here. How in the bleepity bleep do you not remember much about a situation involving yourself and the adoption of a child? Really?! Let's move on... He said that he was not sure of my birth mother's location. I was told that he remembers her as having three brothers, and that her family was from Charlotte, NC. Dee believed that due to his wife's presence, he answered very few questions.  Things were almost made to seem like he didn't remember that part of his life at all. He wished me well through Dee, and said that she could call back if I had other questions. According to Dee, she failed to ask some of the important questions that I asked above. My mind was reeling. He was the first contact that had been made that held information about my beginnings. When she called back, he never answered the phone again...