Batteries For My Searchlight

It's innate.
That primal desire to know who you are and where you come from.
It 's natural.


  I was looking for my birth mother, I had active information open about my sister, and I was also looking for my biological father at the same time. It was heavy. I followed and acknowledged every lead. Nothing was wasted. Looking back, I wish that I'd just followed one line of research at a time. Perhaps I could have lessened my exhaustion that way. After I messaged my "2nd Cousin" match, Sam, I waited.  I also reached out to several other "4th Cousins or closer"  relatives. It was like searching through a box of new and used batteries. Which ones had the "juice" that was needed to power my search? Who had the goods? Who knew my biological parents?And yet, every person was uniquely helpful, and not to be discarded like old batteries. Each time I reached out with my story, I could sense that it sent a small shock wave into that person's life. And with each degree of closeness, I'm sure that the shock waves grew in intensity. Each person valuable in their own right, and incredible treasures in my life. During this time I met two "4th cousins" that were and remain golden. Prepare for a wild diversion of sorts...
 In early April, my sweet cousin Precious responded to my message immediately. She is predicted as my "4th Cousin". I found her hard at work on her own family tree. She shared with me that her grandfather had been adopted, and that she was searching for his biological relatives. She was more than happy to assist me in any way that she could. Honestly, the fact that she was willing to correspond with me was helpful to me. She offered me much needed encouragement and understanding. We didn't know exactly how we were cousins, but we were determined to work together in finding out. There's more to come in our adventure together.
  At this time I also reached out to my "4th Cousin" Diane. One night, I found her profile on Facebook, and I private messaged her. I shared with her how I'd found her name, who we both were related to, and that I was adopted. Her response to me broke my new defenses, melted my heart, and pierced my longing soul: I disintegrated into tears. Tears of gratitude. Tears of deep pain that I had not released before. Tears of joy. Tears of relief. Tears...
Also, when I read that you were adopted, it made me emotional. I hope that your family that adopted you gave you a good life and I am so happy that you found us! Wait until I tell my sister

  During that time of messaging, we arranged to speak on the phone the following day. Her first hello was warm and inviting. I was enveloped in a peaceful and a beautiful familiar love.  Our connection was instant. She spoke words of blessing and prayer for me and my family. Our family. I was readily placed in her open heart. We also discovered that we were living in the same state. We knew that a face to face meeting was the next step. It was forward movement. It was preparation. It was healing. As we talked about meeting face to face she said that she wanted me to "wrap arms around a DNA relative". She was the first relative that I made personal contact with during my search. I sobbed at her deep and thoughtful suggestion. As we concluded our first phone conversation, she welcomed me to the family. She welcomed me home. I laid in my bed and wept...