Side Dig

I refused to rest in deflation. After I wrote a letter to my "legal father", I actively waited for my DNA results. It wasn't easy to to travel on. I cried quite a bit, and I began to wonder if finding my biological family was impossible. It was a huge disappointment, to say the least. Anxiety was beginning to win a little. I was constantly trying to soothe my mind with "Be anxious for nothing... but through prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God...". (I was trying to soothe my mind, but my soul could not rest.) And yet, "faith without works is dead". It was a delicate balance. I kept working.
 I started a free trial with Ancestry. This led me on a bit of a detour. It was a "side dig", if you will. I began to use their "birth" search engine to look up African-American women that had a baby girl in NC matching the date and place of my birth. I found Jacqueline Ellis
 She seemed to be around the right age of my birth mother. She'd had a baby on my birthday. The baby's name was not listed. That looked interesting, and highly likely to be a child that had been adopted. I was hooked. I spent long nights tracing Jacqueline and her family. I even found where her name had been spelled differently on two of her children's birth certificates (including the one that I thought was me). Clerical errors happen, or a person alters their name so that they can't be found. I was intrigued. Hours turned into days, and the days turned into weeks. It all seemed to pass by without something to grasp onto. My dear husband would beckon me to come up for air. I'd made a vow not to neglect my precious and existing family. Some days I was in a limbo between two worlds, two different time frames. My prayers mostly consisted of one word: help.
   I searched through Jacqueline's family for about two weeks. Just as my senses had reached the height of nearing explosion, I found out that Jacqueline was deceased. I wanted to throw up. I felt that I'd possibly found my birth mother, and she was dead. My roller coaster ride was going down a hill. I grew numb in an instant. But, I was determined to move forward. She was a new lead in my search, and I wanted to rule her in or out. I needed solid facts about whether she was my birth mother or not. And, just as I was about to begin contacting her family on Facebook, my little roller car hit a sharp curve and did an upward trek... my DNA results were in!!!...