While I Waited

 I wanted something tangible to hold on to at the very beginning of my search. No information had materialized yet, and I wanted something real. As a symbol of my faith, I purchased a family tree album from Barnes and Noble. This precious book was marked as a clearance item. It's empty pages held such promise. I had plans to acknowledge the family that I grew up in, but this was to have written proof of my DNA relatives. I cried as I looked through it for the first time. It was blank (of course). But, looking at the spaces for mother, father, siblings, and so forth, left blank spaces in my heart and mind. I filled in my name, my husband's name and the names of my children. I could not go beyond that point. Not knowing is like running into some invisible wall. It's so strange.

 I have to say that I was not the most patient person in waiting. Those non-identifying forms could not get back to me fast enough. My husband and Lorena would anchor me down and encourage me. Lorena would tell me that once those forms came back that things would really kick up. I was told to relax and just enjoy each present moment. It was difficult. The DNA kit could take anywhere from 4 to 6 weeks to yield results. It was that feeling of being so close, but so far away. During this time I perused the Ancestry website. I familiarized myself with it's inner workings. With Lorena's guidance, this place would become a second home to my aching eyes, restless mind, and hopeful heart.

 When the first three weeks had passed while waiting on my non-identifying papers from the state, I emailed Dee. I wanted to see if my information had been received from the state. Since she is a confidential intermediary, all information had to be filtered through her. What a load of crap! This mess was designed to cause massive ass headaches.  This was the response that I got from Dee:                        

I am writing to let you know that I am still awaiting your adoption file from the state office.  Once the file is receive I will provide you with your non-identifying information and start the research process.  If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact me.

Sadly, my questions were often met with silence. I'm sure that it was because Dee just did not have answers. I was positive that she had a heavy caseload. I was apt to be gracious until I called her at the six week mark, and she informed me that my information had been in her possession for several days. She did not update me, because she had not sifted through the information and made sure that there were no identifiers. This law SUCKS! She was withholding my information so that she could WITHHOLD my identification. This frustrated the living poo out of me. Dear God, I was praying for another way to conduct my search beyond Mecklenburg County DSS. It was March 11, 2016...