On May 12, 2016, my search reached a new point. My cousin Precious' cousin heard of my information, and felt that he could possibly be my biological father. When I read Precious' message relaying this to me, then I read Precious' message relaying this to me. Then, I read Precious' message relaying this to me. After that I read.. you get it. The words, "I could possibly be her father.", just kept pulsating on the screen. I felt frozen and unable to sit still all at once. This powerful force of emotions shoved me into a surreal place in and yet out of time. I stood motionless in the middle of my living room floor. For all that I know, I could have been standing on top of a volcano as a dragon hungrily approached me. Nothing seemed real.
I called my husband and told him that I may know my biological father. We were speechless for a moment after that statement. It was late afternoon, and the kids were spread abroad for various after school activities. My husband was headed home straight for me. Precious told me that his name was Kevin. He lived in North Carolina, and he'd lived near Charlotte around the time frame of my conception. He wanted me to call him. The idea of this phone call was so weighted that I felt like I would be making it from some other dimension. My head was spinning. Could this part of my search be at an end? Perhaps I'd reached a new beginning. It was time to take a deep breath and call Kevin...
We connected on the phone on a Thursday evening. His voice swirled around me like I was in a wind tunnel. It was a lot to take in. We both asked each other a series of questions.We were both trying to catch our footing. Joy, pain, sadness, regret, confusion, and more had come to spin us dutifully on a crazy merry-go-round. Talking with each other was like stumbling around for solid ground after spinning wildly on this topsy-turvy merry-go-round. The guards were up, but the kindness prevailed. We were unsure of what to do in such a life changing event. Every emotion, word, and thought were the foundation of an unstable ground that left me wobbly. But, we were receptive to one another. Through this life-jolting uncertainty, I found Kevin to be endearing. Kevin has seven children, and he has a fierce and protective heart for all of them. His nature is loving. His humility in light of such a profound situation rolled out gently from his words. The possibility of being my biological father seemed to strike a point of grief. It was a grief of potentially having missed out on a lifetime. The whole thing made my heart ache deeply. Beyond basic background information, lifelong questions began to stand up within me and demand answers. Some would have to sit back down at that time. Intense longings pressured and suppressed caused some agony below my surface. It wasn't time to let it all flow.
At this point, I was overcome with a spirit of inquiry. I got curious, and put on my detective's cap. I turned to a trusted source for further research: Facebook. As soon as he accepted my friend request, I went on the hunt. I was all over his page. I was comparing facial features. I was trying to get a glimpse of his personality from his posts. I was just trying to hold on to something. We did not have solid evidence and answers. Some of our information was a bit off, bringing us to a quick answer of Kevin not being my biological father. I wanted to be sure for myself. A paternity test was definitely in order...
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