The Tribe

 Kevin Jr. broke the ice. He was that arm that reached through all of my nervous wondering, and firmly grasped my hand. His curious and kind welcome walked me into this amazing circle of siblings. When Kevin Jr. opened the door, then Yalonda and Latoya called.  Before we could get test results back, they'd received me as their sister. They had this beautiful way about them that was new and refreshing to me. I felt like I'd joined this tribal dance at an open part of the circle, and we just kept moving. Our hearts felt like old friends. Their brand of love was like, "Come on in, fix a plate, sit down, and eat. Stay for a while.".
 They were hilarious and honest. They were one likable bunch. We were interacting as siblings. This scared me. I didn't want what I desired to be true to get in the way of what was actually true. I did not want my hopes and dreams to be shattered. I did not want Kevin Sr. and his children to be disappointed if he turned out not to be my biological father. This situation had me in emotional limbo. I desperately wanted the hardcore evidence of the test results, but I also wanted to know and believe that I'd found my biological father and siblings.  Their grip on reality was sobering to me. It pulled me away from the siren call of the ghost kingdom and grounded me in a loving reality. This was a possibility. I look back realizing that DNA, paternity tests, and percentages do not define family. Love does. Connection does. One does not have to do a back breaking limbo underneath the offer of love. Stand up straight and receive this beautiful gift in many forms.
 For the next three weeks, we worked towards getting to know one another. It was a time that I reflect on in great fondness. While attachment grew, so did impatience. Waiting on those test results was like dragging around some lifeless body. I'd tell myself that it was heavy, and that worrying was pointless. The facts were the facts. The truth was already in existence. We could not alter our DNA based on wants and desires. On June 1, 2016, the results were in... Kevin Sr. was NOT my father...