Waiting

 Meeting Diane was akin to finding a treasure trove. I relive that day over and over in my mind. My hands smooth lovingly over the mementos that she gave me, and I smile with gratitude. I know that her prayers and well wishes have helped to carry me on along my journey.
 With meeting Diane, Kevin and the paternity test were doing the do-si-do in my mind. On the weekend that I met Diane, one of Kevin's daughters was graduating from college as a nurse. I was thrilled to hear of such an awesome achievement. I think that nurses possess a special gifting. But, I also felt a sadness. I could possibly be missing a milestone in my potential sister's life. It was hard as hell not to jump the gun. As an adoptee, I'd visited the "ghost kingdom"* often, and now I was on my journey to truth. I continually battled to stay in the moment and focus on reality. It was like holding back a tsunami.  I did not want to overwhelm Kevin's family. I was trying not to overwhelm myself. I didn't want to reach out to his adult children until he had a chance to speak with them about me. My stomach was twisted in all kinds of knots. I wondered and I waited. I wondered how his children would feel about possibly having another sibling. How would this affect them? What would they think of their father? What would they think of me? I was secretly hoping to get a little peek inside the sibling circle. And, that's just what I got.
 Kevin Jr. messaged me through my trusted pal, Facebook. It went like this:

Heyyyyyy soooooo I have something to talk with you about ...

I know this is odd.

When I read his message I just stared at it. I was so grateful that he reached out to me. I just didn't know where his message was leading. Embracing the unknown would become a learned skill. The message was somewhat ambiguous to me. My prayer for a peek had been answered, but the mysteriousness was driving me crazy. I then proceeded to pepper my husband with all of my nerve-wrecking questions.  Finally I settled down (and some hours had passed) and messaged this:

Hi Kevin, I just saw this message. Ooops. I'd love to talk to you. At this point you may be traveling. If you'd like to call me my number is

Once he read my message he sent me this:

Hey I just saw your message. I didn't want to call you too late. However my dad talked to us this weekend and we heard you were in search of your relatives.

My stomach did a Simone Biles somersault into my throat. Kevin Jr. phoned me thereafter... 

*A ghost kingdom is the place within a person's psyche that houses fantasy. It can be thought of as an alternate reality. Many adoptees will fantasize about their biological relatives. In the absence of truth (reality), the person escapes into a  fantasy.